the scariest movie i’ve ever seen. 1 November 2007

 John Carpenter’s “Prince of Darkness”

bad choice. 14 September 2007

so guess which movie doesn’t help at ALL with insomnia. 

thatudbethisone:

Chapter 12: Joe Gets De-Oculated 16 May 2007

Rawhead Rex (1986): Written by Clive Barker. Lots of ancientness. Evil baptism through urination.

Demons (1985): Directed by Mario Bava’s son Lamberto. Totally West Berlin. Soundtrack by Billy Idol, Motley Crue (assume umlaut), and…SAXON! Plus, Tony the Pimp.

Zoltan: Hound of Dracula (1978): At first, I thought Zoltan was super cute because he was a vampire dog who loved his vampire master, but then Zoltan bites a baby puppy and turns that puppy into a baby puppy vampire…I want a baby puppy vampire…

The Beyond aka The Seven Doors of Death (1981): Directed by Lucio Fulci. Eyeballs are brutally removed at the steady pace of 3 per minute in new and refreshing ways each time. Yeah…de-ocularization…yeah!!!

The Brood (1979): Written and directed by David Cronenberg of Scanners fame. I dry heaved through practically the whole movie.

Tourist Trap (1979): Mannequins…MANNEQUINS…If you’re more into ventriloquist’s dummies than check out Devil Doll (1964).

Hellraiser I and II (1987, 1988): If you can’t commit to watching this masterpiece as one movie, then you deserve to be de-oculated…Plus, Tiffany is awesome! I think it could be easily argued that Kirsty Cotton is the greatest cinematic protagonist of all time…

Frightmare (1975): Old lady cannibal with a power drill.

Blood and Black Lace (1964): More Giallo thriller than monster gore, this movie about murder in a fashion house is aesthetically shocking. The red mannequins are reason enough to watch…MANNEQUINS…

The Paper Badge 16 May 2007

It’s been a relaxing ‘SB07.’ I played the ponies, cleaned under the refrigerator, made fancy breads, and watched a ton of unbelievably good movies. Check ‘em out if you like awesomeness:

“For Your Consideration”
“Short Cuts”
“Pennies from Heaven”
“The Kid Stays in the Picture”
“Gosford Park”
“Strangers with Candy”
“California Split”
“Educating Rita”
“The Wild Blue Yonder”
“Cop and a Half”

Can I ask you a question? 16 May 2007

Do you like?

A. Tender Smooching
B. Jetpacks
C. Deadly Cobras
D. Purple Ferraris
E. Tribal Warriors with Oozies
F. Gold Medallion Necklaces
G. Warlocks and High Priestesses
H. Tennis and Short-Shorts
I. Ridiculous Acronyms
J. Kung Fu Fights between Men and Vultures
K. Various Colored Jump/Leisure Suits
L. Flame-Throwing Pens
M. Exotic Locales
N. Ethically Ambiguous Side-Kicks
O. Silk Capes
P. Swords and Nunchucks
Q. South American Drug Lords
R. Black Leather Gloves
S. Explosions
T. Japanese Girlfriends Locked in Towers
U. Mercenaries
V. Deadly Muttonchops
W. Ass-Kicking Grooves (that go “widdly wah…bow chucka bow wow…chucka chucka”)
X. Ambassadors
Y. Bullwhips
Z. Did I mention Tender Kisses?

If I told you there was a way to satisfy your love of all of the above, would that be something you would be interested in?

“Black Samurai” (1976) starring Jim Kelly

There is seriously a fight between a guy and a vulture…this is the greatest movie I’ve ever seen…hands down.

10 Movies 16 May 2007

For Suspense, European Style: The Day of the Jackal (1973) — A radical offspring of the French military, called the OAS, wants to assassinate Charles de Gaulle because of his policies towards the occupation in Algeria. The Jackal is a freelance assassin hired to kill the French President. The movie follows the Jackal and his meticulous preparations, and the police who become aware of his mission and try to catch him. Originally, Michael Caine was supposed to play the Jackal but his curls were too high and tight.

For Hackman, Suspense American Style: The Conversation (1974) — Francis Ford Coppola made this movie in between the Godfather I and II, and it reflects big ambition in small packaging. Hackman is AWESOME in this movie. Unlike The French Connection I or its sequel, Hackman is not the street-wise tough guy breaking balls or kicking the junk; instead, he’s a terminally lonely introvert who makes a living, and a life, through wire-tapping and surveillance. After taking a job that questions the morality of his work, Hackman finds himself involved in a complex web of secrets, lies, and murder that continually crosses the line between reality and paranoia. If you like this movie, you should also see Brian De Palmas’ Blow Out (1981), which is totally awesome in its own right, but you just can’t touch Hackman in The Conversation.

For the Exploration of the Feminine Identity: Persona (1966) — I’m not a particularly big fan of Ingmar Bergman (von Sydow playing chess with the Grim Reaper in The Seventh Seal was cool…Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey definitely recognized that), but Persona is easily one of my favorite movies. A beautiful and talented actress becomes inexplicably mute, and a naïve and unsure nurse cares for her. They seclude themselves in a house on the beach. They confide in each other; they betray each other; they become one person, both symbolically and literally. This movie explores the wildly complex themes of existence, identity, and sexuality through these two women and their dependent and conflicted relationship. Many movies owe to Persona, like Robert Altman’s 3 Women (1977) and David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive (2001), both of which are awesome too.

For a Documentary: Gates of Heaven (1978) — I think it can easily be argued that Errol Morris is one of the greatest documentary filmmakers of all time. His work is both prolific and profound. Morris’ movies are rich with stunning imagery, haunting soundtracks (often provided by composer Phillip Glass), and subtle pathos. Morris has a unique cinematic acumen toward the driving forces of the human condition, and perhaps no other of his works displays this insight better than Gates of Heaven. This documentary explores the world of pet cemeteries, and both the people who run them and the people who bury their pets in them. As the documentary progresses, it becomes clear that when dealing with death, no matter what form or apparent significance, the human psyche is at its most complex and the human heart is at its best.

For Werewolves, Symbolically: The Company of Wolves (1984) — I’ll keep this one short and sweet. Surreal. Dreamy. Werewolves. Little Red Riding Hood. Coming of Age. Horrifying. Angela Lansbury.

For Werewolves, Literally: An American Werewolf in London (1981) — Again, I’ll keep it short. Funny. Aesthetically Scary. The special effects are the best werewolf transformations in any movie…EVER!

For Pulp Crime and Moral Ambiguity: To Live and Die in L.A. (1985) — Within the world of film, the setting of Los Angeles is a compelling enigma. L.A. is so integral to movies, in every aspect of their existence, that it’s impossible to refer to the city as simply a place where a storyline occurs. According to the theories of Thom Andersen, to some movies, like Chinatown (1974), Los Angeles is so important to the plot that it transcends its own cinematic borders and boundaries to become a character. In the case of To Live and Die in L.A., Los Angeles becomes a psychological extension of the protagonist. The movie is full of burning red skylines that can’t help but convey the insatiable rage and uncontrollable need for revenge the main character feels. It’s awesome. Cops. Counterfeiting. A car chase that rivals The French Connection (1971) and Bullitt (1968). Plus, an entire soundtrack by Wang Chung.  (See: Los Angeles Plays Itself)

For Horror, Italian Style: Lisa and the Devil (1973) — Famous Giallo director Mario Bava tells the story of an American tourist in Spain who, after becoming lost in the countryside, tries to survive a night of ghosts and murder in a mansion that’s giving her some serious déjà vu. Telly Savalas plays the devil/butler…Who loves ya, baby?

For Horror with Science: The Prince of Darkness (1987) — John Carpenter’s underrated masterpiece. College students and scientists go to an old church to study a giant container filled with evil green water that has recently been discovered in the basement. That’s all I’m going to say; it’s too scary. Alice Cooper has a cameo. Also, the leading man has the most tender mustache I’ve ever seen. Donald Pleasance plays a priest. I wonder if a movie exists where Donald Pleasance doesn’t play a doctor or a priest.

For one of the Greatest Films on Movie-Making Ever: The Stuntman (1980)— Four words: the ice cream speech. Plus, Peter O’Toole takes crazy to a whole new level; it’s like The Ruling Class (1972) times 100.